Day 84 (Or: rk post & C.J. Lane at The Red Raven in October)

I’m a little bit giddy.  And I have a HUGE geek-girl crush. 

Sometimes I get to meet, rub elbows with and generally fall in crushes with some seriously amazing people.  Laurie McClave (neighbor and bestie), C.J. Lane (bestie and cutie), and (new to me) rk post give me the shivers.  They’re just awesome in the sauce arena.  And I know them?  Or…in the case of rk…get to talk to them as they’re foot commuting through downtown Seattle to their “day” job?  Pssshhht.  Lucky me. 

AND I get to talk about games, and toy-stores, and my favorite coffee shop on the planet?  Stick a fork in me and call me pleased.   

A shortened and slightly altered version of the following feature was published today in the Port Townsend Leader, and because these peeps are so phenomenal, I wanted you all to see 

the WHOLE shmear…

Photo courtesy rk post

Randy “rk” Post (hereafter referred to by his preferred professional nomenclature:  rk post – no punctuation, no capitals) travels to conferences the world over, for comic-cons and fan signings of his work.  Each new location comes with a new tattoo, artists carefully researched by post, artwork “signed” by the artist in permanent tattoo ink. posts body, now featuring 20 of his visits, and 20 artists, is a visual map of his artistic proclivities and of his extensive travel.  

The travel follows a lifetime career of impressive freelance and contract illustrative work for Wizards of the Coast, Microsoft, DC Comics, Dark Horse Comics, 20^th Century Fox (Alien vs Predator) among many others (post jokes that his work is “too extensive to list.”).

This life is a far cry from growing up on farms in Illinois and Iowa where post, the son of a John Deere salesman, never took an art class and thought he’d be a veterinarian. After what post calls an “extensive college experience” – an 8 year study program, spanning veterinary science, graphic design, and eventually illustration – post found himself at the tail end of TSR’s Dungeons and Dragons production, illustrating interior black and white illustration book-work for the famous RPG. This break into the world of illustration through Dungeons and Dragons, lead to work with Wizards of The Coast, where the door opened for a remarkable career in art and design. 

A soft, ready laugh prefaces posts description of the work, the experiences, and the travel that followed those 8 years of study. “Growing up, we never traveled anywhere that we couldn’t reach by car.” He says, but when Wizards of the Coast bought out TSR in the mid-90’s, the company flew artists out to Seattle – his first flight – and post now looks back on that flight, saying “if you’ve done it once, all the rest are the same.” The difference now, is that after 15 years of illustrative work, when post travels from Seattle, his home town where he’s the Senior Artist at Big Fish Games, he ends up in Barcelona, Spain, Moscow, Russia or Sao Paolo, Brazil – as well as many other international destinations.

The Red Raven PostMortem

Avatar of Woe, rk post

Red Raven Gallery celebrated its one year anniversary in September, and in the year since opening, has featured an impressive lineup of local artists and visiting artists – many with magical, fanciful and eccentric inclinations. The cooperative gallery of 6 artists is owned by Sarah Fitch of The Rolling Raven Studio, and co-managed and curated by fine artist Laurie McClave – who calls herself a “Jacqueline of all trades.”  McClave, whose impressive curation has brought in high caliber fine artists – photographers, painters, fiber artists – said that she “looks for individuals whose work is quality and who have a level of personal professionalism.”  Of particular importance, and an indication of her own measures of success, McClave pays special attention to “artists who have interaction with a fan-base, having a Facebook page or a blog, or some way that they’re keeping active and interactive with other artists and with collectors.” 

McClave, who studied at the San Francisco Art Institute, and a highly collected artist herself, keeps an active hand in the online network of artists, and it is partially this networking and marketing ethic which has enabled the gallery to host national and international artists.  “rk was one of my first MySpace contacts – remember the days of MySpace?” She joked.  “I knew I wanted to feature something gothic and creepy in October, and because I’d known of and followed his work online, rk came immediately to mind.  Much to my surprise, he said ‘yes’ when I approached him.”  Earlier in the year, the gallery hosted the phenomenal  Jel Ena Markovic, a Serbian born, Los Angeles based figurative artist, and PostMortem will be followed in November by German born, Seattle based  designer and artist Redd Walitzki (http://art.candygears.com/).

In a coup, an artistic scoop, if you will, The Red Raven cooperative gallery and McClave are “thrilled and excited” to bring illustrator rk post to Port Townsend. “rk features strong women and female characterizations, and uses the figure in a lyrical way.  There are dark undertones in his work, and the pieces offer an intrigue – he’s a softer H.R. Giger.” MccClave said of post and his work referring to the surrealist painter who won an Academy Award for design work on the film Alien.

On Oct. 6, PostMortem debuts at the Red Raven Gallery featuring the fanciful and eccentric art of illustrator rk post and photographer and Red Raven cooperative member C.J. Lane.  PostMortem, will show at the Red Raven Gallery, 922 Water Street, through October.  Both artists will be on site for the gallery walk on the evening of the 6th, starting at 5:30.

Both divine and diabolical

post has published a now sold out collectors volume of collected works “Potmortem: the Art of rk post” posts website describes the work in his online gallery, as “both divine and diabolical. Sinistry and innocence. Fluffy-cute and damn-that-looks-spiky.”

Cover Art, "Postmortem: the Art of rk post"

Notably, the original cover artwork painting for “Postmortem: the Art of rk post” will grace the wall of the Red Raven Gallery, a work highlighting posts strong female figurative work, and the gizmo-riddled fantasy world that he’s known for. post, says that for the Red Raven Gallery show, in addition to non-magic related work, he’s “found a forgotten trove of more recent pieces,” and will be labeling and selling with artist proofs and prints.

post has garnered a following in the illustrative world, and is especially known in Port Townsend for work in the Role Playing Gaming (RPG) world of Magic: The Gathering. The Port Townsend Gallery walk, on Saturday, October 6, 5:30 – 8:00 pm, will be lively in the diminutive alleyway gallery, with local fans of the gaming world, and fantasy art collectors assembling to see the original artwork behind familiar gaming characters and well-known illustrations.

The Raven and the Pumpkin

C.J. Lane and model Tassa Briel Greif
photo Cara Leckenby

In complement to the fantasy work of rk post, C.J. (Carole Jean) Lane, cooperative member and co-feature artist for October at Red Raven Gallery, has a gift with the camera lens. Lane started photography in college, and her passion grew further when she moved to Korea to work as a military staff photographer. Since those early days in photojournalism, C.J. has turned toward fine art photography, and she and her husband, Terry Lane, are the vision behind “Lanebrain Photography”. “ Her unique perspective and edge give her work a painterly quality,” said McClave, “and she has an important story to tell”. This month, that story will be of “The Pumpkin Queen” and “The Raven King” – fantasy figure photography, highlighting a creepy burton-esque bent.  C.J. is a founding cooperative member of the Red Raven Gallery co-op and is working in photography while raising a family here in Port Townsend

The gathering

Port Townsend community dedicated to Magic: The Gathering is celebrating a weekend of firsts starting at 6:00 on the evening of Friday, Oct 5 at Whistle Stop Toysin Port Townsend. Steve Goldenbogen, owner of the toy shop, is hosting a launch for the newest of 59 “expansion sets” (or game play kits) for players ranging in age from 10 – 60. “Return to Ravnica” is a much anticipated expansion, and the evening will be an interesting pre-cursor to meeting rk post, the artist behind well-known Magic characters, “Avatar of Woe,” “Morphling,” and “Arbor Elf.”

The following evening, Saturday, October 6th, post opens PostMortem at the Red Raven Gallery.  Goldenbogen is an avid Magic player and fan, and describing the extent of Magic: The Gathering’s popularity said “There are 59 expansions on the game, and over 12500 figure cards. I’m making sure that I’m off work on time for the show on Saturday, and I’m telling all my players.” Tournament play will continue at Whistle Stop Toys through January of 2013, on Friday evenings at 6:00 and Goldenbogen notes that he has plenty of members willing to teach new players.

In addition to formal tournament play, Amy Smith, Executive Director of the BoilerRoom at 711 Water Street says that there are “all the time games at the Boiler Room these days. There hasn't been a day in the past two weeks without a Magic game.” The Boiler Room is a non-profit youth resource center and coffee house, with convenient couches and tables for game-players of all ages.

More information, and game kits, about Magic: The Gathering can be found at Whistle Stop Toys 1005 Water Street, Port Townsend.

Day 81 (Or: An Antiques Roadshow Roadtrip)

First of all, an update regarding the state of affairs in Leckenby-Ville: You should know that there's a mollusk on the loose in the house. That is to say, there's a snail, and he's been wandering about for several weeks leaving his...leavings...and then evading all attempts at capture. I'm seriously considering letting the chicken loose in the house to see if she can find him. And eat him.

This should be a pretty decent indication of the kind of mood I'm in today: Exasperated, with a hint of hilarious.

And I've got a confession to make: I actually enjoy these moods. I think these moods are some of my best (even though there are occasional exclamations of words containing the hard K sound), and are not to be wasted. I might need to find some outlet for this mood other than blogging. Perhaps a nice rant directed toward one of my many pet-peeve-people? And there are MANY, I'm happy to say.

All of this being said, let me tell you how totally fabulous Day 81 of One Thousand Days was.

So fabulous. There. I told you.

More? Oh, okay...

Day 81 of One Thousand Days was spent with 6,000 other people on the set of the Antiques Roadshow at the Convention Center in Seattle!

Pause for effect.

When one is at the Roadshow, One MIGHT see Mark Walberg!

Here's what happened:

1. We forgot the tickets, and turned around about 20 minutes into our road trip in order to retrieve them. HOWEVER, we made it STRAIGHT onto the ferry, and arrived in Seattle 50 minutes before our 11 o'clock entry time. We were rather pleased with ourselves, but perhaps too pleased, because...

2. We promptly got lost. Twice. Our excuse: Downtown Seattle is engulfed by a series of "detours" which are designed to make the country bumpkins lose their minds, and their way.

This is what one of the four lines looks like

3. Missing our original ferry and getting lost were EXACTLY the right thing to do. Arriving at the Convention Center four minutes AFTER our check-in time, meant that we parked about 2 feet from the entrance, avoided one of 4 horrendously huge entrance lines, and were that much fresher than all the other roobs who had been waiting an hour and a half to get in.

4. We then waited an hour to get in.

5. We then waited another hour to get in.

When you get into an event like this, please be aware that (None of the literature will tell you this, so take notes):

1. The crowd, and each individual comprising the crowd holding precious tickets (which, for some reason felt like the Golden Ticket into the Charlies Chocolate Factory), is PRIME people watching fodder. I was a little bit stunned to find that about 40% of people were in wheel chairs, but the remainder were people toting precious possessions ranging from a $50 pistol lamp, to a $45,000 bell. And by god, spend as MUCH of the 2 hours that you'll spend in line waiting to speak to an appraiser getting to know as many of the fabulous people around you as possible. They just might be holding a $7,000 Stieff Teddy Bear, or a worthless Japanese battery operated barking dog. Fun stuff.

2. Know that someone in the room has a $100,000 something they found in the attic, but that someone is not you.

Someone Hit it BIG!

3. Yes. The appraisers are wearing fabulously tailored suits, wild ties, and some of them may or may not even be wearing a pink satin vest. Maybe. If you spot any of these appraisers, stop, stare, and make sure your mouth is a little bit open, and that you look appropriately awed.

4. Know that your big butt will appear several times on film when the show is aired. Because you're in the crowd, and you've been waiting in that line for 2 hours, and while you're standing there, some lucky lady with a series of 1950's mall advertisements is being filmed RIGHT BEHIND YOU for her tearful reactions - and you're standing there looking gormless. But that's okay.

5. That photograph that you had hanging casually in your bedroom? It's an Orotone (a photograph beautifully processed on glass), by one of the pioneers of the Orotone process. And it's worth upwards of $1,000. And you'll meet the collector of the photographers work, because he's spotted your photograph from across the room, through the masses of people, and will leave you with his card in case you ever want to sell. Charlie McCarthy may give your 14 year old son the creeps, but he's in really good condition, and he's worth about $100.

Creepy, but oh so worth it!

81 down, 919 to go.

Day 71 (Or: More About The Hood!)

Day 71, Continued!

Just in case you haven't already seen the ream of pictures and information from the Boy-Child's and my house building adventure, you can check out the loveliness here!

Highlights:

Day 66 (or: Walk and Live)

Ha HA!  Today's Thing is huge.  Really huge.

I began a new job.  A job that's promising to be incredible in a million big and small ways, but ONE of those millions of ways is the opportunity to live what I do.  When you live what you do, or do what you live, in effect, you're blurring the lines between the drudgery of work and the joy of life.  In reality, we should all be so in love with our "work" that there isn't any drudgery, and we live a life that is full of productivity (otherwise known as "work"), ease, beauty, joy, laughter, love, family, and chocolate.

I do carry on, don't I?  blahblahblah.  All this, to describe that I'm beginning, today, Day 66 of One Thousand Days, to change the way I commute to one of my many productivity places (otherwise known as "work").

You see, I've been engaged to provide organizational services to the remarkable and lovely Walkable and Livable Communities Institute, which luckily, although nationally renowned and functioning in a national and world-wide forum, is based in the lovely town of Port Townsend, WA.  Lucky me.  That's where I happen to be based as well!

A mission statement, and vision, for the WALC Institute, looks something like this:


"The WALC Institute is an educational, non-profit organization working to create healthy, connected communities that support active living and that advance opportunities for all people through walkable streets, livable cities and better built environments.

The Institute inspires, teaches, connects and supports communities in their efforts to improve health and well-being through better built environments."

"Walking" Artist:  Nicola Villa

So.  I'm doing a thing, which I've been wanting to do for a while, but haven't had the proper fire-under-my-rear to do begin.  Namely:  walking.  Because my new Productivity Place is a nice little Bic lighter and lighter fluid, and I'm JUST the briquette to ignite and flame on with my walking self.  

I won't even bother mentioning the health benefits of walking.  So obvious.  Or the environmental benefits of walking.  Because you're a smarty, and you already know, don't you?  And we don't want this post to carry on for the next 3 pages.  'Nough said.

Except this:  I will walk the 1.5 miles to work, and at about mile .75, I will stop, knock on a best friends door, and drink some tea before proceeding on with the other .75 miles of my journey.  Next week, I may BIKE!  And you just never know, maybe I'll even get on a city bus (wouldn't THAT be a hoot?).

66 down, 934 to go.

Day 65 (Or: Revolution!)

Stumbled across this today:  Not in the StumbleUpon sort of way, in the it appeared in my Facebook "news" in several different forms:

Similarly, I stumbled across this (again, in the accidental visitation, sort of a way, not in the SU sort of a way):  

I'm inspired.  Have been for a while.  I want chickens and bees and a garden full of food - fruits, vegetables and herbs.  This is the year!  I'm doing it!  Day 66 of One Thousand Days, I lay out the yard plan to accommodate (almost) all of these lovely things - more research on bees in my urban area is needed before I commit to a herd of yellow and black fuzzies.  

The Dervaes family is an incredible inspiration for such remarkable works.  I've seen them on YouTube:

...and in a myriad of wonderful magazine and blog articles.  Take a minute to check out their website and blogs:  http://urbanhomestead.org/about

And, if you care to, add The Urban Farm to your reading list, and start drawing up plans for your summer bounty!  

66 down, 934 to go.

Day 62 (Or: Standing On The Side Of Love)

Martin Luther King, Jr., Day began 30 days of the National Standing on the Side Of Love month.

Take a moment, visit Standing On The Side Of Love, and join in.

Click on over and join the movement.

I did.  And do.

62 down, 938 to go.

Day 59 (Or: The Great Monkey Maneuver)

You've been hearing about it, and now it's happened!

No, I didn't lose my mind.  And no, I haven't started a speed dating group...and no, I most certainly haven't finished my novel.  Geesh.  There's a whole lot that I haven't done.  But what I HAVE done, this morning, Small Business Saturday, is launch The Great Monkey Maneuver!

What's this, you wonder?  "Frankly, I think you HAVE lost your mind, darling." You mutter under your breath.  I heard that. 

Here's the thing.  Sock monkeys.  They're totally adorable.  And enjoyable.  And they make me laugh.  Seriously. 

I made one monkey, every stitch by hand, loving the feel of the sock and the thread, and loving the funny ears and the hillarious red butt.  And he charmed my boy and I in ways that we hadn't imagined.  And then the most amazing thing happened.  My favorite 2 year old boy came over, walked straight to the monkey, picked the monkey up by the tail, poked at a button eyeball, and immediately took the sock-turned-monkey to show his mama.  The monkey clearly belonged to him, and now he has a name - "Hoo-Hoo-Ha" - and a premanent home with a most delightful boy.

I WANT MORE OF THAT!  I want monkeys to be EVERYWHERE and I want to be the one to make that happen!

The Great Monkey Maneuver, I'll have you know, is a sock monkey and 40th birthday initiative. I will be 40 years old in one week, exactly. And in honor of my 40th birthday, I will sell 40 sock monkeys!

In case you're curious, here's the original, the loving, the adored-by-favorite-2-year-old-boy Hoo-Hoo-Ha:

And I donated this monkey to a service auction, to raise money for QUUF:

And I'll donate THIS monkey to my favorite non-profit kid place and coffee house, The Boiler Room, for their auction, coming up in December:

And the rest are yours! 

So, The Great Monkey Maneuver, is a sale of 40 monkeys, to be housed in 40 homes with 40 loving children or children at heart.  All in honor of turning 40 years old.  Because when you get old, it's important to engender the joy of being young. 

And what's more, the first 40 monkeys will come with a $4.00 discount when the lucky purchaser uses the coupon code: 40MONKEY
Yes. 

Day 58 of One Thousand Days may just be the most wonderful yet.  Monkey business.

59 down, 941 to go.

Day 58 (Or: Management Says So)

If you've been paying attention, you'll know that things have died in my yard, and The Management told me to get on it.  Management, in its infinite wisdom, also let me know in no uncertain terms that the trailer, which is only halfway Fluffed, needs to be fully Fluffed by the end of the week. 

The Management thinks that the Fluffing of the trailer will help with space issues, and that inventory, business operations and the writing of hillarious blogs can be housed in the trailer, thereby freeing up living space for...er...living.

The Management refuses to pay me until I've completed the task, so I guess I should get on it.

This is what a partially fluffed trailer looks like:

Day 58 of One Thousand Days I listen to my inner manager, get off the procrastination station and make something of the space that's needed in order to make things.  That Manager sure is a slave driver.

58 down, 943 to go.

Day 54 (Or: Nicest - er...Funniest? - Rejection EVER!)

Determined to expand my reach, I've been "networking" lately, and this email response from Noa Gavin over there at OhNoa.com, made my day!  WARNING!  F-bombs in attendance.



On Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 11:43 AM, C. E. Leckenby  wrote:

To Whom it May Concern:

I'm most interested in joining The League of Funny Bitches. Please forward application materials to www.oneofonethousanddays.blogspot.com Perhaps, if I don't qualify for The League, I might be assigned to be a Funny Bitch sidekick? I look good in a short cape and tights.

Yours in humor,
One Thousand Days of sort of funny, but also kind of productive and sometimes instructive with a healthy helping of wine and Brie on the side.

Cara E. Leckenby

One Thousand Days

From: Noa Gavin
To: C. E. Leckenby
Sent: Monday, November 7, 2011 7:58 PM
Subject: Re: Fledgling Funny Bitch
I'm so fucking impressed with your professional email I think I should not say fuck in this one.

I've already done it twice now, so there's no point in quitting. You're on the nominations list, lady, keep on being funny!

Cheers,

Noa Gavin

OhNoa.com

Funnier Than Your Grandma

54 down, 946 to go.

Day 52 (or: I've been Called)

Alright.  Hold onto your hats, because it's about to get a little weird up here in the blog.
Woo-woo weird. 

But life's like this sometimes, and one of the things that I've realized, slowly, since letting go of The Bad Relationship, and Corporate Life (alright - both of those things let go of me, but who's counting?), is that there's a message in the silence, in the moments in between.  We can listen to those messages or we can ignore them, and on Day 52 of One Thousand Days, I chose to listen.

Okay.  That last paragraph was only slightly woo-woo, but NOW it's going to get positively bizarre, so I really can't blame you if you want to skip down the page a bit.  Here's what's been going on:  I belong to a fellowship (read:  "church"), where I have been a volunteer youth educator on and off throughout the years, for various ages of kiddos.  This year, I agreed again to be an educator for the Middle School kids.  Ever since I made that agreement, I've been having all of these near-ESP-ish moments of synchronicity, in which someone repeats something I've been thinking on for a day or so, or I dream something that then happens the next day, or my thoughts settle on something that eventually is reality within the week. 

If you read through that paragraph, I TOLD YOU SO!  Weird.  Eventually this strangeness convinced me (hold on to your boots!) that I was being "called."  Called to be involved with the kiddos, and specifically involved with the kiddos QUUF in my sweet little home town. 

So I offered myself (weird ESP story and all) to our "church" Youth R(eligious) E(ducation) Director, and came home with the promise of more Middle School Madness than is healthy for any sane person (as I've demonstrated here, my sanity may be in question, so I'm PERFECT for the job!), and a craft project!  I LOVE CRAFTS! 

Day 52 of One Thousand Days, I'm going to put together the scrap book for the Youth Coming of Age program my son (that's him in the upper-center of the photo, below) and about 15 other kiddos went through last year.  Hurrah!

52 Down, 948 to go.

Oh, and I fluffed up the logo...it's not drastically different, but it's different!

Day 45 (or: Walk it, Baby, Walk it!)

Yep.  It's valentines day again.  Can't seem to avoid it.  At least once a year, inundated by pink, and red and sugar and mooshy love. 

Meh.  Forget that.  I'm'ona eat steak, drink bloody mary's and shop.

And once again pledge to walk to raise awareness and funds for the National MS society.

In April, darling child and I will be walking in the area "walk" with our friend the who shouldn't be suffering from this terrible illness on the "Sole Sisters" team.  Nobody should be suffering with it.  Least of all, someone who's spunky. 

Day 45 of One Thousand Days, I do exactly what I was doing about a year ago on day 28. I pledge to walk.  Want to join us?  Or fund us?  Or point and laugh at us?  Just click the links below to check out the possibilities.

45 down, 955 to go.  

Day 43 (Or: Sell All The Things!)

New!  And improved!

Me, that is.  Did you know, that since my last post (in November - wow, does time fly) I began living my 40th year on this planet?  That is to say, I turned 39.  I'll celebrate the 40th anniversary of my arrival on this green and splendiferous earth next December, but in fact, I am now living my 40th year.  Weird. 

What's that got to do with the price of tea in China?  A heck of a lot!  You try turning 40, and tell me that it's not a seriously important and momentous thing, full of yearning, and joy, strife and struggle, excitement and promise. 

The whole tenor of my "Things" has altered.  I'm feeling rather self involved about my "Things."  For example, I've been leaning toward tattoos and piercings, and image issues such as:  Why the heck don't I wear my strappy sandals more often?  or:  Does my hair really need to be the color of a field mouse?   I imagine doing "Things" like taking up sky-diving as a hobby, or running for office, or walking from the West coast to the East coast.  "Things" that are momentous and reputation building, and life affirming and loud and colorful. 

I guess that's what you do when you turn (or at least are looking at turning) 40.  I know, I know, it's really very typical and boring, isn't it.  Would you like a little mid-life crisis?  Yes indeed, I'd love some, thank you.  And if you could throw in some bristly hairs on the chin, a nice crop of crows feet and a gray hair or two, I'd think myself the luckiest woman in the world!

Well, it's not all tragedy.  I finally did something that I've been wanting to do since I turned 18.  I opened a store, and I'm selling vintage, kitsch, retro, interesting, quality, fun things.  And better yet, before I sell said things, I get to SHOP for said things.  Okay, I admit, it's an eBay store, but still!  I get to shop!  And maybe I'll even make money!  Don't let me fool you, true to self, I've planned the heck out of this endeavor, devised several pretty serious mathematical tables and algorithms to ensure success, and I've given myself 3 months to make a go of it or else I'll drop it flat, which is the joy of eBaying (instant start and instant stop!)

Day 43 of One Thousand Days, I'm proud to announce Diamond L Co. Vintage and Eclectic.

May it be fruitful!

43 down, 957 to go.

Day 38 (Or: NaNoWriMo)

November, sweet November, is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo, for the experts in the crowd), and yesterday I actually wrote almost 2,000 words of a novel that is destined to be...well...50,000 words long.  Not a good novel.  Not an interesting novel.  Not even a gramatically correct novel.  Just 50,000 words long.  Or more.

It's off to a great start, and if I actually continue to write 2,000 words a day, I'll probably be able to make 50,000 words by the end of the month.  Interesting?  Meh.  Probably not.  But today, Day 38 of One Thousand Days, I'll write another 2,000 words of the Un-Great Novel.

38 down, 962 to go.

Day 21 (or: Soup for You(p))

Well, I really wish I could solidly report that my good thing for day 21 of One Thousand Days was a complete success, but I can’t. I can, however, surmise (based on the empty soup pot, the house full of biscuit crumbs and the six empty bottles of wine I found in the morning) that it was indeed a smashing (no pun intended) success. I'm kind of sorry that the details are blury.

I’ll tell you what I do know:

(1) Before the wine hit the proverbial fan, I made my first ever batch of biscuits. I’ve had some minor success with a couple of batches of scones, and I recently baked a batch of cookies for the first time in two years, so I figured I could probably pull off biscuits. After all, they’re just lard, salt and flour, right? How can one go wrong with lard? Apparently one can’t. All 24 biscuits were consumed by five ladies and three children.

(2) I made a mean summer minestrone. I even made it before I left for work, so I wasn’t frantically throwing soup ingredients together at 5:00. I was frantically vacuuming instead.

(3) You could basically watch any episode of Sex In The City and know exactly what the conversation at the dinner table was like. Yes, I know there were children in the room, but I did already mention the six empty wine bottles, right?

(4) In the morning, in addition to way more empty wine bottles than 5 ladies should have been able to polish off, I found that there were enough biscuit crumbs all over my house (in my bed? Really?) to piece together at least two biscuits. Maybe three.

(5) There was a very tiny, cute wheelchair in my house. And a very tiny, cute, pleased (when she wasn’t in the wheelchair she got to ride around on her mama’s back and generally treat her mama like a cross between a slave and a donkey) but whiny broken footed 6-year old. If I did NOTHING else good today, I scooped that child off that mama’s back when they limped in the door, handed mama a huge glass of wine and told the child not to bug her mama for the next several hours. Thank god I have a 12-year old who could do a pretty decent stand in as a slave donkey.

At any rate, Day 21 of One Thousand Days may or may not have been a wine-induced smashing success, but I did do my good deed, and I fed my dear friends, and intend to do so every week from now on. And apparently all those dear friends have been following my blog, so they actually deserve to be fed.  And to drink six bottles of wine.

21 down, 979 to go.

**For a fun party game, try to spot the three paragraphs in this post that didn't reference wine.  Two of those paragraphs are so tiny they don't count.  Geez what a lush. 

Day 19 (or: I’d rather be happy than right)

Man, am I ever self-involved. I’ve spent a whole week being utterly wrapped up in my own horse-pucky, and it’s beginning to wear on me. And if it’s wearing on me, it must really be wearing on all six of my followers (Hi, Jessamyn!). I didn’t even pull off an eco-Sabbath today. Laundry. And it was frosty this morning, so the heaters went on. And I baked some scones. Blahblahblahmememelamelamelame.

But the day started with a bang at 6:30 when I should have been organizing to get the boy and me out the door for the boy's soccer game in Poulsbo at 8:30 am. Not. Couldn’t find the uniform, didn’t have the right shoes, no chance of getting any gas, let alone feeding ourselves. In other words: I’m The Worlds Worst Mom. No. Don’t argue with me. I am.

Or at least I was until 3:00 this afternoon.

Remember yesterday when I said that I’d address the “taking it out on everybody” tendency? Well I’m gonna. And it all started with a lovely conversation with a besty this afternoon, where I described my life philosophy of two years ago when I spent 8 blissful months of loving kindness which was facilitated by the phrase: “I’d rather be happy than right.” Pretty simple sounding, right? That’s because it is. Do you find yourself saying things like: “I should fold the laundry right now.” Or: “I really should have folded the laundry yesterday, what a slacker. I’d better fold it now” Or: “I’m the worst mom in the world. I didn't fold the stinking laundry and the cat's now pee-ed in it and NOW I have to wash the whole load over again. Twice (to get the pee out). Could I BE any more lame?” Well…now imagine yourself responding in a soothing voice: “I’d rather be happy right now.” Or: “I’d rather have loving relationships than fold this laundry.”

Now, when I asked the above questions, I expected you to be there with me, experiencing those thoughts. Did you? Where you?  Could you feel the laundry?  Did you smell the pee (EEeeew).   And when you told yourself you’d rather be happy, did your breath come a little easier? Did your fists unclench? Mine did. And does.  And do.

I’ve been a pretty unbearable poop this week. Yesterday I actually told my lovely little boy to “go to hell” (he deserved it, really, but I probably could have said something more politic). He responded by telling me that it was very rude and he’d prefer that I not say that to him. And then he went on to say: “How would you like it if I said *#$k you, you piece of s*#%! I hate you! You’re an a#@h***!…” The dot dot dot there actually turned into a 10-minute skit, which was quite hilarious and included a rendition of what his ghost might say to me if he died and more bad language than I’d care to discuss. My boy. Turning adversity into levity. I couldn’t be more proud! A proud poop.

Yeah, I’ve been sucking as a human being, and I’m going to stop now. Day 19 of One Thousand Days I declare that “I Would Rather Be Happy Than Right (Insert any “should” or logical linear process that gets you mucked up, or just any bad feeling, into that “Right” slot).” There are probably a lot of euphemisms and platitudes that could work here, but the idea is that I will let go of the “shoulds” and the right thinking and will just simply be. And be happy.

Ironically, the most difficult things that I’ve undertaken so far in One Thousand Days have definitely been the personal ones: Giving up meat, dairy and sugar; giving up cigarettes; letting go of the “shoulds.” These things are a constant battle. Baking cookies only takes about an hour. Hmmmm. If nothing else keeps me from being self-involved, maybe this will.  Self involvement is labor intensive and time consuming.

Coming tomorrow: I promised Kiera I’d come clean about the Bad Relationship. And I pledge to actually do something good for someone else. Something tangibly good. I don’t know about you, but I’m really getting tired of all my self-involved horse pucky.  Now you'll have to excuse me.  I need to fold the laundry.

19 down, 981 to go.

Day 18 (or: I only smoke when I’m on fire)

Yeah, I know it’s gross, but I’m an occasional smoker. So occasional, that I really should give it up. Seriously. I mean it. For real (I’m trying to convince myself here…give me a break, will you?) I buy a pack when I’m totally stressed out, and I “borrow” cigarettes from other people. Which is just plain annoying. It’s amazing I have any friends left with all the cigarette mooching I do. And my son hates it. And it’s a disgusting, costly habit. And it increases ill health. And bad breath. And chances of developing horrifying diseases. And decreases life span (duh). And makes little wrinkles appear around your mouth. And turns your skin a delightful shade of gray (isn’t gray the new black?). And makes your hair smell bad. And your clothes smell bad. Yadayadayada. I know all of this, and yet I’m still a filthy, disgusting, lamentable, weak willed, occasional smoker (cough, cough...HACK).  Lovely.

Well, not anymore! Thank god for One Thousand Days. It's the new and improved "remarkable" me, and I’m doing it. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the trees are budding, the cat (yes, the one who thinks the laundry is a wonderful place to relieve himself) has decided the great outdoors might not be such a bad place after all, and Day 18 of One Thousand Days seems like a lovely day to give up cigarettes.

In case you're wondering about my progress on the quitting of meat, sugar and dairy, I’m pleased to report that I haven’t had a lick of chocolate, a whisp of cheese or a dollop of meat all week long. Until today when I had a burrito with cheese and sour cream and an iced lavender mocha and a cookie because I quit smoking

But honestly. I quit all these things. I do (don’t give me that raised eyebrow, Holly. And yes, Susie, I know I promised I wouldn’t buy “party cigarettes” any more. And ALL RIGHT, love-of-my-life-darling-baby-boy, I did make that new years resolution. Three times.). I quit. These bad habits all make me feel like hammered you-know-what. And then I take it out on everyone around me. Which is something I’ll address on day 19, but not today (cripes, I’m not Super Woman, after all).

Day 18 down, 982 to go.

One Thousand Days (or: I Killed a Baby Bunny)

One Thousand Days began, well, about a thousand days ago. It began with an inkling of misbehavior and quickly became more than a dash of misbehavior. The dash turned promptly into dashed hopes and has been murkily churning away in and out of dash-iness for, well, approximately One Thousand Days.

Confused? Exactly.

Confession:  I engaged in a Bad Relationship.  And when I say engaged in, I mean indulged in and fought against and wished for and cried over.  I (and he) wasn't honest, wasn't good, wasn't connected, really, and definitely wasn't behaving well.  In general.  Now...don't make me repeat all that again.  I'd rather not think about it, thank you very much.

The Thing That Pushed Me Over The Edge.
There were many missteps in those One Thousand Days (tawdry little details), but the climax (or anti-climax) of the situation began in July of ’09 (the end of the Naughty…oh you know) with a cataclysmic change occurring in my career with the downturn of our stinking economy.

Oh yes, there were other intermittent crises during the One Thousand Days. And there were attempts to rectify, ignore, beat my fists against, figure out, change and alter many things. For instance, during those terrible One Thousand Days, I became an almost Vegan and ate no sugar for a year. And I lost 70 pounds and regained 40…ok, 50. And I spent six months truly believing that “I would rather be happy than right.” Which was wonderful, and is another blog entirely. All attempts to make something else happen.  Something other than a Bad Relationship, other than behaving badly, other than disconnection.

But it hadn't been One Thousand Days yet.

The Thing That Put Me Back on Track. 
 And then, somewhere in July, just as I had been laid off, just when I was fed up to my eyeballs with behaving badly in a bad relationship, something amazing happened.  I killed a baby bunny. Yes. You heard me. My darling friend had a crisis, with nobody to support her but me. Her cat DIDN’T kill, but seriously maimed, the cutest little brown baby bunny you’ve ever seen, and I finished it off with a shovel. Twice. While my friend muttered through tears and held her fingers in her ears. That’s what you do for your friends.

I surprised myself, actually.  I would never normally kill a baby bunny (who would?).  Normally, I'd be a blithering snotty mess, just thinking about doing something so horrible.  I'd do a lot of bad things (I hope we've established that I feel remorse), but not that...but...I did it...for her. That’s not behaving badly. That’s being selfless in a way that I hardly ever am.  Selfless in a way that I should be more often.  Selfless in a way that drove me to engage my higher self.  Selfless in way that made me reconsider Things...

And then it occurred to me. I began toying with the idea that if I had behaved badly for almost One Thousand Days, shouldn’t I behave well for One Thousand Days in order to make up for the badness? And if I were going to do this, wouldn’t blogging make sense?

“Yes,” said Julia.

“A great way to work through your anger,” she softly urged in her councilor voice.

“Yeah, but nobody wants to hear your whining, so you’d better make it about doing something REALLY important for a thousand days.” Holly carped in her crispest Besty-Knows-Best voice.

“And you can’t decide that it’s important without running it by me first,” she decided.

Mercedes thought it was a great idea.

So did Heather.

Emily said that she’d been thinking about blogging too.

So here goes.

Day one of One Thousand Days: I finally blocked the email, I deleted the contact on Facebook, I blocked the phone number, have admitted that The Bad Relationship has been a folly and now…Now for my first simple act of importance. I forgive myself. That’s right Holly, I didn’t check with you, but I’m doing it anyway. I forgive myself for behaving badly and vow to do something quietly or grandly remarkable for each of the following One Thousand Days.

That is all, for Day One. 999 to go.