Ok. Here’s the thing. I know it's going to come as a shock, but I am not a good girl. I don’t even come close. I swear, and I cry and I can’t spell for beans and I throw minor tantrums and I harass people and I’ve been said to be “shrew-like” (granted, the person who called me a shrew was also a shrew, so I don’t know if it counts). What I’m trying to say, is that all this quitting swearing, and trying to be happy all the time really got to me. I couldn’t pull it off and felt guilty about it, and avoided the heck out of this place. And drank a little too much red wine.
But you know what? One Thousand Days didn’t start when I joined a nunnery. They started when I killed a baby bunny. I Killed A Baby Bunny. So what was I thinking - trying to “good” the me-ness out of me? Because you know what? Sometimes, I’m an ass and I’m supposed to be an ass. Like when I point out injustice, or lay down the law (both really the same thing, but you get the idea). I AM precisely who I’m meant to be. Flawed, imperfect, radical, delightful, passionate and irreverent (and sometimes I swear and eat cheese).
And you know what else? I can also do important things. Some of them may even be good and important at the same time. But I don’t think any one of my 14 followers would tell me that I need to change who I am in order to be good, so why in the name of all that is green and lovely was I trying to tell myself that that’s what I needed to do?
I may not be a saint, but I’ve been up to some things, regardless of not having been “here”, and I like to think that these things are…well…good. Like holding a fund-raiser for my Kiddos and their coffee-shop. And hosting “soup for you(p)” again (in which I did my level best to cut off my fingers – can we say Karma?). And hosting a “Painting The Town Red” celebration dinner at my church. And planting the baby trees that I ordered last month in the open community trail next to my house. And this:
I have a delightful friend, who is ALL of the good that I would aspire to be, and who has recently been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Which is a rather un-lovely thing to happen to such a lovely person. Multiple sclerosis interrupts the flow of information between brain and body and stops people from moving. Millions of people and thousands of them in our communities are affected by MS and the challenges of living with its unpredictable symptoms. But true to form, said delightful friend keeps a smile on her face and does the things that she can to support her health, and continues to be the person who she’s supposed to be (and to be honest, MORE than the person she’s supposed to be). She’s sort of fabulous.
Interestingly and synchronistically (this may or may not be a real word), one of my admirers left a book for me to read called “29 gifts - How a Month of Giving Can Change your Life” written by Cami Walker. The book is a journey through 29 days of giving as a part of an emotional cure for a woman who suffers very terribly from Multiple Sclerosis. I was told, when “gifted” with this book that it reminded my admirer of me, except that I’m (ahem) much funnier (but how funny can you be when you’re in agony and can’t move. No fooling). Not to mention that the author of this book had 29 gifts – and me? Obnoxious, obstinate and obtuse ME? I am currently on 28 of One Thousand gifts (not to toot my own horn or anything…HONK).
At any rate, Day 28 of One Thousand Days, I and my little tiny family of 2 have pledged to walk to raise awareness and to help fund research for MS.
We’ll be walking on April 10th, along with a whole bunch of other dedicated walkers, and are already at 44% of our $250.00 fundraising goal thanks to a generous anonymous donor! Now, this blog isn’t about begging for money, but if you feel like supporting us in this endeavor, I won’t say no. And for those of you who are my neighbors, expect a knock on the door!
Did I do good? I think I need to reward myself with a tattoo.
28 down, 972 to go.
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Personally, I think you're a genius.
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