Day 46 (or: What To Do With The Next 954 Days)

Have you ever felt stuck? Like you’re in a situation, a scenario, a scheme that dictates your movement in ways which annoy you at your core? I’m there right now. Stuck. And as a result, I’m about to force myself to embark on a journey. Another one. Spoiler alert! This journey, while it’s definitely One Thousand Days worthy, focuses pretty heavily on me.

The truth and reality of living in this human body, is that change is a constant. We humans are blessed and cursed by constant change in feelings, surroundings, body and mind. Change in occupation, change in lifestyle, change in friendships, yearnings, longings, needs. People are born, people die. People change.

Sometimes that means that the world is full of loveliness and light. Sometimes it means that the world is full of sorrow and grief.

I regret to report that a very large percentage of the recent Days, in between official Day postings, have been dark in ways that they shouldn’t be, and if I don’t do something about it, I have the feeling that I’ll be stuck all through the summer (if you live in the Pacific Northwest, you know how precious those summer days are, and how much we need to enjoy them while we can – all 10 days of them).

Now, this low place is not foreign territory. It’s a low in which I occasionally become mired, and have a difficult time extricating myself from without making Very Big Changes. Usually those changes come externally from a change in jobs or in circles of influence or in surroundings or habits. But right now, the world is fairly static, and the changes aren’t just going to pop up on the horizon, I have to make them happen in a more conscious and purposeful way.

After my last posting, I asked friends to tell me what my next Thing should be. One friend intrigued me by suggesting that I should tell myself the truth, no matter what I tell anyone else. So Day 46 of One Thousand Days, I’ll start by saying: Carita, my dear, you’re not happy, and you’d better do something about it. Blogging as therapy.

46 down, 954 to go.