Saturday, February 27, 2010

Day 25 (or: F*** that!)

I have to start out by reporting that we’ve stumbled on the first thing that Holly doesn’t approve of. Or, at least the first thing that she’s told me she doesn’t approve of. Partially. I have the feeling that there’s going to be an overall lack of approval of today’s thing because, let’s face it, the hard “K” sound is so very satisfying.

You all are smart enough to figure this one out (the title gives it away, right?), but you’re probably interested in the nexus of the decision (whether or not you’re interested, I’m going to tell you, so sit down and shut the h*** up). That’s right, Day 25 of One Thousand Days I’m going to stop swearing. Right after I unleash an oh-so-satisfying litany of expletives directed at several to-remain-nameless (you know who you are) situations and people.

Basically, I’ve been scolded for swearing like a sailor. By my 12 year old. And frankly, swearing just makes me more angry, when I already feel like ripping someone’s head off (again, you know who you are). Honestly, I’m afraid that if I continue to swear, things may escalate to the point where I may just have to commit BadRelationship-icide.

Thank God there are helpful articles such as this one to help me with my process. Apparently there are 213,114 other people interested in kicking the swearing habit, too (misery loves company). My favorite suggestion in this article is a warning: “If someone annoys you and you tell them to "truck off", then people will probably laugh at you. Try to ignore them.” Heh-heh. I feel better already. I’d better invest in rubber bands so I can smack my wrist every time I accidentally (I swear – no pun intended – it was an accident!) let out an occasional "d***", or a minor little "s***".

I spent a fairly entertaining morning finding a random insult generator, and a Shakespearian insult dictionary  (who knew that “The insults used today are used by the ignorant - base and coarse in comparison to the Great Bard!”)

I would just LOVE to tell someone they have “Blasting And Scandalous Breath.” Or call them a “Brazen- Faced Varlet” or a “Bacon-Fed Knave.”  Or say to someone:  "Bless me, what a fry of fornication is at the door!"

But, to follow up on Holly’s lack of approval, here’s the deal: Holly suggests (with a great deal of sentiment) that quitting swearing on the whole is in not a good deed. However, quitting swearing at certain people (you know who you are) may be. And another friend chimes in by saying that it’s the emotions behind the words that are the problem, not the words themselves.

So, if I call you a bat-fouling sniglet…that’s just as bad as calling you an as*h*l*? Geez what a conundrum. I mean it. Great googledy-moogledy, what am I supposed to do? Not feel like ripping someone’s head off? Oh. Yeah. How could I forget about Day 19?

Ah well, no more vocal pollution.

25 down, 975 to go.


  1. BadRelationshipicide? Swear words start in the mind, so instead of an a*h*...l, you could think "God's creature (name here). Oh, well, just a thought...I really like bat-fouling sniglet better.

  2. Yes. it's a very good point. Hard to swear at someone who you love. I'm working on it...:-)


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